That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which felt rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a sales brochure. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.